Healed in the Quiet: A Story of How God Rebuilds
From giving up to finding quiet redemption in Puerto Rico, this is the story of how God rebuilt me — slowly, sacredly, and exactly when I thought it was over.
2021: When I Wanted to Disappear
In November 2021, I wanted to disappear.
As I sat in the basement of my previous church home listening to women share their testimonies of overcoming, conquering and how God stepped in. I couldn’t stop the overwhelming feeling that God abandoned me and did not love me.
I remember what I kept saying in my head “You hate me and I’m tired of trying to make you love me.”
I had reached what I thought was the end of myself — numb, exhausted, and vision blurred by pain I didn’t know how to carry these burdens anymore. After I left the church, I tried to leave this Earth. Unsuccessful, because God stepped in but I still attempted to take my own life. After intervention from loved ones (my cousin, sister and friends), and now back in the same apartment. I sat in stillness, not because I was grateful to still be here or because I like the quiet, but because I was empty.
In the middle of that darkness, I heard God speak.
Just six words.
“I’m going to move you.”
At the time, I didn’t understand what that meant. I thought maybe it would be a spiritual shift, maybe a job change. I didn’t know. All I knew was I was broken… and somehow, God wasn’t done with me.
A Church That Let Me Heal
Soon after, a friend invited me to her church. She said, you don’t have to stay.. you don’t even have to join, but I know you need to reconnect with God. Little did she know, she not only reconnected me with God but she introduced me to a community that would show me so much more.
My first service was three days after I attempted to take my own life. I had a few friends that also attended that church. Most of the other members knew me from the previous ministry I was a part of. As I walked up the stairs into the sanctuary, my mind flooded with thoughts.
What if they see my brokenness… What if the see the bandages… What if God tells them what I did.. They know my previous ministry, what if I can’t be that same leader as before… What if I can’t show up as perfect?
I sat in the wooden pews, nervous, shaking, anxiety-ridden and the next thing I will never forget. The First Lady came over and hugged me. She held me so tight and did not let go. First, she cried for me as if she could feel my pain while holding me. Then it turned to crying with me.
She didn’t know what happened three days prior, but God showed her what I needed. I needed this community. I needed love.
They didn’t force healing on me.
They didn’t expect me to “bounce back.”
They let me be.
They let me cry, be angry, sit in silence, learn to walk again — with Christ this time. Slowly. Safely. In my own timing.
That space was a miracle.
a clip of me going up for prayer and the church surrounding me with love after the big turndown
2022: From Milk to Meat
In 2022, something in me began to shift. I was in the infancy stage of my healing journey, and my palate was starting to change. Survival was no longer satisfying me, I wanted to taste of something more. I was learning to listen to myself and most importantly, trust God.
That desire led me to book my first solo trip to Puerto Rico. A full week. Just me. For the first time, I made a decision completely for myself and I only did things that felt like me.
I wandered through a tropical garden and learned about medicinal plants.
I paddle-boarded into a golden sunset.
I explored my roots, my family’s history, my ancestry.
I breathed.
And one day during that trip — in the stillness of my room — my phone lit up. A notification I had never received before:
Saved Girl Brand Group Prayer (Live).
I had followed the page about a year earlier after hearing Sazj and Ed speak at our youth ministry, but I had never gotten an alert… until that moment.
I was already awake. So I joined. Why not?
As Sazj prayed, I suddenly felt a tug. I needed to ask for prayer.
I typed in the chat. She paused. Read it.
And then she began to pray and prophesy.
She said:
“Your wounds are so deep… they’re infected, and it’s touching the bone. But God wants to heal it.”
I was stunned. Seen. Exposed. And strangely comforted.
She asked me to message her. I did.
That message led to a divine connection.
She invited me to her upcoming conference — Milk to Meat, happening in April.
She told me she felt I needed to be there.
She was right.
Those three days were vital. Even though I was hesitant and a little standoffish at first, something broke open. I let the women in. And slowly, they would become my sisters.
2023: The Quiet Year
Then came 2023.
My “quiet year.”
God told me: “Don’t renew your lease.”
And I said, “Okay… sure.” (But inside, I was nervous.) I didn’t have a plan. I had been trying to get into a corporate position at my job, thinking that was the breakthrough. I was going through interview after interview, clinging to the hope that it would all work out.
Meanwhile, something else was unfolding.
I was called to ministry.
I got licensed as a minister.
I preached my first sermon — on the fall of the first temple and the rebuilding of the second. It felt… poetic. Because I, too, was being rebuilt in the same place where I had once crumbled: the church.
A Prophetic Word & A Plot Twist
Then came the 2nd Saved Girl Conference, and God stopped being quiet.
We had been praying and preparing, and one of the guest speakers came up to me with a word. She said she saw country music over my head. (I laughed a little — that’s random.) But then she asked, “Have you been praying about relocation?”
I froze. “Yes,” I whispered.
She looked at me with calm certainty and said,
“God says you’re moving to Nashville.”
I was stunned. Nashville? I wasn’t even sure how to get to Nashville. But I held onto that word with shaky hands and cautious hope. Still, I was focused on securing that corporate job, convinced it was the way forward.
Then, on October 3rd, 27 days before my lease ended, I got the rejection email.
I was in a work meeting when the message popped up on my iPad. I burst into tears right there. The job I thought was my breakthrough… gone.
But then — once again — I heard God speak.
“Look at your same position… in Nashville.”
So I said, “Fine, Big Sandals.”
(That’s my nickname for Him because that’s my guy.)
The Move
What happened next moved fast:
October 5th — I interviewed.
October 7th — A second interview.
October 10th — I got the offer.
October 29th–30th — I packed up my apartment and drove into destiny.
Just like that, I moved.
Not just cities — but seasons.
From brokenness to becoming.
From silence to surrender.
From milk to meat.
To what you are currently seeing.
If You’re in Your Quiet Year…
I want to tell you something I wish someone had told me:
God is not ignoring you. He’s preparing you.
The silence isn’t the absence of God.
It’s the invitation to stillness.
To listen.
To trust.
To obey — even before it makes sense.
The move might not be immediate.
The breakthrough might not look the way you imagined.
But trust me…
When He moves you, He really moves you.
I’m living proof.
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Thank you for being here in The Speaker’s Circle.
If this touched you, I’d love to hear your story too.
Drop a comment, reply to the email, or just sit with it — you’re seen. You’re held. You’re becoming.